Comfortable Cockroaches

I hope everybody is enjoying their summer. It is winter here in Sydney, which means I’ve finally stopped sweating (at least at night)! After the unbearably hot summer, this temperate winter actually feels a bit too cold for me. I’m becoming such a wimp!

One particularly cold day I decided to make soup and do laundry. In our house the vent for our dryer does not bring the air outside. It vents the warm air into our kitchen! In the summer this is not such a good thing, but on a cold dry winter day this was wonderful! In one room I had a dryer pumping hot air in my face, the fire of the gas stove, and my boiling soup! It took very little time for the room to get toasty warm and humid! I loved it!

Everything was great until my landlord saw the windows steaming up and decided to walk over. He opened our large glass sliding doors and commented that the kitchen was nice and warm. I happily agreed. Then he very politely told me that if the house ever got warm and humid in the winter that I had to open up the doors and let all of the heat out right away. I much less politely refused. He then went on to explain that it was because of the cockroaches (which we had not seen since we cleaned up all of the messes he left in the house).

He explained, and I am not exaggerating or making this up, that cockroaches enjoy warm humid temperatures, much like humans do (this part is actually true). Because of this, the only way to keep cockroaches out of a house is to leave all of the doors WIDE OPEN. This way the house will get really cold and the cockroaches will get uncomfortable. Once they are uncomfortable they will have no trouble finding the open doors and walking out.

At this point my head started doing summersaults. He was being 100% serious. How does somebody respond to something so profoundly stupid?? My brain started screaming at him, but my mouth wasn’t listening to my brain and only managed to silently open and close a few times.

He seemed satisfied in explaining his point, reminded me again that I should always open the doors as soon as the house got comfortable, asked me to explain this to the other housemates, then walked back to his house leaving our door completely open.

I stood there gazing blankly at my soup and started questioning the meaning of my existence as the cold winter air brushed against my face. In my life, every time I get comfortable will somebody make me open the door and let the cold air rush in? Maybe the soup symbolized my life, producing heat in a futile attempt at comfort, sustainability, and prosperity? Was I the dryer, spinning confused in circles trying to combat the evils of the world? Maybe I was the self-destructive wind, sweeping in to destroying myself every time I became comfortable.

How was it possible for a person to say something so stupid? If I recorded the conversation and played it back for him would he realize the very large and obvious flaws in his logic? Maybe his point makes perfect sense and I am the one that is too stupid to understand it. Am I missing something? Am I wrong? Is my entire perspective on life also wrong? Maybe everything I’ve ever believed is just an illusion. Do I even exist?

I stood in front of my soup contemplating everything there was to contemplate until I came to a conclusion that I rather liked. I was not the soup, the wind, or the dryer. I was John, a stubborn American student that was now cold. My soup was my dinner, the dryer was just a dryer, and my landlord was an idiot.

I shut and locked the doors, flashed a one finger salute over to his house, and ate my soup while the warm air from the dryer kept me and the cockroaches comfortable.

Seriously.

Ok, this is probably the most serious I've ever been on this website.  I absolutely NEED to find somebody to make me this bacon scarf.  

http://monstercrochet.com/Patterns.html

If you know anybody that can knit or crochet, I will pay for the design, the material, shipping, and a whatever you think is fair for labor.  I must have this!

ok, need to get back to work.  I promise I'll post something soon.  

*pinky swears*

Skinnys

This week I’ve spent a good bit of time and money clothing shopping.  It is getting cold and I have almost no warm clothing to wear!  I decided that if I’m going to buy clothing, I might as well get something fashionable and in style. To make sure my outfit selections were up to date with the latest trends, since I am still stuck in the 90’s (I’m from the days of BUM equipment or hypercolor shirts and umbro shorts), I brought along a few women who were kind and patient enough to go shopping with me.  Unfortunately the latest fashion for men’s pants is for them to be very very tight.  I believe these pants are called “skinny” jeans.  It soon became clear that I would inevitably have to try on a pair of “skinnys”.

For those of you that have not noticed, the proportions on my body are a bit off.  My torso arms and face are all thin, but from the waste down I am much beefier.  I have a larger than expected waste and long thick legs.  This has never been a problem for me.  Not many people are disgusted by slightly disproportionate calves.

I reluctantly wandered off to the dressing room with a standard light blue pair of skinny jeans (not purple, red, or green).  Quality seemed ok.  The stitching was nice, the denim was soft, and they were priced well.  Since less fabric is used to make these I suppose they are also more environmentally friendly than standard jeans.  I stepped into the stall and started trying to put them on. 

Key word here: trying

Everything was going smoothly until they were about 6” away from my waste.  The legging must have been slightly thinner where the knee is supposed to be, because they suddenly got stuck on my calves! I decided to take it one leg at a time.  I grabbed the right leg a few inches above my knee and just started pulling has hard as I could.  They slowly slipped across my leg, and popped into the correct position.  At this point if I had flexed my right calf these jeans would have ripped in half.  I could hear the seams starting to give, but I moved to my left leg anyway.  I grabbed and pulled, but this leg wasn’t cooperating!  No matter how hard I tried I could not get the left leg completely on so I decided that it would be best to give up.  After all, there was no way in hell I was going to be able to walk in these! 

Defeated, I pulled out my left leg then went to pull the right leg off.  It wouldn’t budge.  I lifted the leg in the air and started pulling down on the pants, but nothing happened!  I started to panic!  What if they were going to have to cut them off of me?  Would I have to pay for them???  I started hopping around the dressing room pulling madly at these jeans, bouncing off the walls and probably frightening everybody else in the changing rooms.  NOTHING!  I eventually fell backwards, caught my breath and started to think.  Where have I had a similar situation?  Chinese finger traps!!!  I relaxed my leg, closed my eyes, and tried to imagine the jeans slipping off my leg.  I then slowly started pulling.  Still nothing!!!   AAAAHHH!!!  At this point keeping the pants in one piece was no longer of any concern to me, so I grabbed the end, planted my left foot on the ground with the toes against the wall, pushed my back hard against the other wall and started pulling out and down with all of my might.  I started hearing ripping sounds, but I did not care!!  I just kept pulling and pulling!  Slowly the pants started to move!!  I could all but taste my freedom!  Inch by inch they slowly scraped across my legs screaming out a symphony of popping thread and fabric until they flew off with a force that almost knocked me on the ground!  I was free!!!

To hell with fashion!  I bought a pair of normal straight legged jeans and got the hell out of there.

Believe it or not, I'm still alive.

Sorry I’ve been so quiet.  Classes are super hard here and I’ve been really really busy.  I just wanted to let everybody know that I am still alive and well.  Spinny has finally been turned off and placed in the closet.  It will remain there until the warm weather comes back in September/October.  Right now I am shopping for a space heater which I will lovingly name Toasty, Roasty, FurnaceFace, or if it has a fan Warmy McSpinnagin.  Not sure on the name yet.  I need to buy and use it first.  I’m sure I’ll talk about it here when I get one

One interesting thing that was pointed out to me was that while I tend to name almost everything I own or encounter such as my fan (Spinny), my water boiler (茶), and the possum that keeps eating the plants on my balcony (Barak Obama.  Thanks to Lorraine for the name!), I have not named my iphone or ipod.  What is worse is that no matter how hard I try I cannot come up with appropriate names.  The only name I could think of was Jane, which is a stupid reference to one of the books in the Enders series.  Jane is an awful name for a phone!  It just doesn’t feel right.  For some reason this has really been bothering me.  Does anybody have any suggestions?

I’m rambling, which isn’t all that uncommon in the world of blogging, but I’ve tried to keep mine at least somewhat entertaining.  I should probably get back to work.  I just wanted to say hi *waves to you* and let you know that things are fine.  No injuries, no more sunburn, no abnormal body hair, and no giant spiders or wild animal attacks.

Actually the animal thing was close with the possum, and my housemate was bit by a pigeon which I ended up kicking lightly.  Not even really kicked.  It was more like shoving it with my foot.

Uuuuugh… homework…  Hopefully I’ll post something more interesting later!

a long post about my feet

It is thundering outside and I am in my macroeconomics class, which runs until 9pm  (as opposed to the bus I need to take home which stop running at about 8:35).  This wouldn’t worry me so much if it weren’t for the fact that I left my umbrella at home!  I happen to have my computer (obviously), my iphone, my new ipod nano, and over $200 in text books that I finally got the money to buy today.  The only thing worse than walking a few km in the rain is walking with about 3k worth of products that can be destroyed by water.  This brings up two topics about Sydney which I would like to have a brief discussion about (not really a discussion, more like a one sided rant, unless you decide to comment).  Bus schedules and weather.

My feet stink.  Yes, this is relevant.  There are 3 main contributing factors.  The first is, I can’t afford new shoes right now so I wear my 5 year old flip flops everywhere.   They aren’t particularly nice, just surprisingly durable.  Eventually my heal will pop through the bottom, and on that day I will either find some new shoes or epoxy something to the bottom of them.   The second reason ties somewhat into the first.  Over these last few years I’ve probably put more miles on these flip flops than most have put on their cars.  I walk EVERYWHERE (and have the blisters and tan lines to prove it).  I would estimate that I walk roughly an average of 14km (9ish miles) per day.  The third is that I haven’t washed them.  I usually rely on rain to clean them, but I haven’t seen much of that recently.

To summarize, due to monetary restrictions I have very old footwear.  I walk constantly which makes them dirty.  I haven’t had a chance to wash them or walk around in the rain, so they are getting a bit funky.  To summarize the summary, I have (1) Old flip-flops that are (2) worn all the time and (3) never washed.  To summarize the summary of the summary, my feet stink.

Enough about my feet.  I don’t particularly enjoy walking this much, but I live far from school and the only other way for me to get there is by bus.  Lets explore the possibility of bus travel. 

The busses in Sydney are very nice!  They are almost always clean and many even have air conditioning.  The drivers are usually friendly and will help you get to where you are going.  I’ve found that I am rather fond of travelling via bus. 

Here are the problems that exist with Sydney busses.  Fare is decided by how many “zones” you travel while on the bus.  Zones are decided by the distance you travel, not the number of stops or the final destination.  These zones are needlessly confusing and make figuring out how much your trip will cost damn near impossible without asking the driver.  For me this is not a problem because I would be travelling the same route every day, but it is annoying enough that I thought I should mention it.

The other problem (the one keeping me from riding the bus) is that they have detailed schedules posted at every stop.  These show when the bus will get there and on what day.  The problem is that this schedule is generally disregarded and the busses seem to travel at their own free will.  It is very common for a bus to not show up, then two of the same busses to show up at some random time a bit later. 

What this means is that I have to get to the bus stop unacceptably early in order to ensure that I will arrive in time for my class.  For a real life example, I’ve taken the same bus at the same time on the same day leaving from the same stop and have arrived at class anywhere between 30 minute early to 15 minutes late (note: this bus was scheduled to run on a 20 minute intervals). 

This is especially annoying when trying to get to my transportation management classes (about a 3.5km walk). 

As a result, unless I can actually see the bus approaching the stop while walking to it I generally will not trust it to show up and will walk to where I am going instead.  This is good for my budget and makes me feel nice and green inside, but bad for my feet.

The only time I decisively take the bus is when the weather is crappy, but it is almost impossible to predict the weather in Sydney.  In the US we get hour by hour weather predictions which are sometimes off, but surprisingly accurate.  Here is a typical weather forecast for Sydney:

Friday        Fine.

City:          Min:   18  Max:   23

West:        Min:   13  Max:   27

What do they mean by Friday - Fine?  Fine, you can figure out the weather yourself?  The weather will be small in regards to thickness?    Friday will be characterized by elegance, refinement and accomplishment?  Friday will be a penalty or punishment for something we’ve done?  Will the day be smooth to the touch?  I find this vagueness absolutely hilarious, but most people just think I’m crazy when I see or hear the forecast in public and start laughing hysterically.

I believe the reason for this odd weather forecast is because nobody can actually predict the weather.  The way it works here, it could be absolutely beautiful one minute, then storming like crazy the next, then sunny the next, then sunny and raining a minute later, then cloudy with lightning, then raining and sunny, then cloudy and storming, then back to absolutely beautiful.  My iphone said it would be a nice night tonight, and all I hear is thunder!

So far I’ve found only one sure-fire way to predict rain:

If I bring my umbrella, it will not rain.  Even if the forecast calls for severe storms all day.  If I do not bring my umbrella, nature is open to display it’s own interpretation of what it thinks the climate should be like at that particular moment.  

I suppose it is a bit arrogant to think that I singlehandedly control the rainfall for an entire city, but so far I’ve found this infinitely more accurate than anything any meteorologists can predicted.  Take that, science!

I ate fish brains... and I liked it!

It has been way too long since I’ve posted here.  Way too many things have happened and there is now I can fit them all into one post.  For now I’ll share what has kept me from posting.  CLASS!

Class is hard.  Very very hard.  I have tons of work, and way too many things to distract me from finishing this work.  Even thinking about how much more enjoyable life would if be if I were outside soaking up the fantastic late summer weather instead of sitting in front of my laptop reading boring case studies is enough to distract me from writing a paper for several hours, maybe even days. 

Last Thursday I was awake until past 4am trying to study for a quiz the next morning (a class I had to wake up at 7am to get to), but all I could think about was the many delicious candy bars Cadbury sells in Australia, but not in the US!!  I knew I had candy downstairs, but refused to eat it because it was so late and it was supposed to be my reward for finishing completing the quiz.   The next day after getting back from class I was anxious to finally enjoy my candy bar, but was so exhausted that I ended up falling asleep on the couch with it in my hand.  When I woke up I couldn’t find it. 

If you see my candy bar, please call me.

Talking about passing out and not remembering things, I went on a wine tour in Hunter Valley a few weeks ago with some friends.  It was a fun time!  We found a dog that we borrowed for the evening, spooked some cows, took pictures of a wombat (unfortunately it was in the middle of the road and a bit flatter than normal), and of course sampled some tasty wines cheeses and chocolates!  Unlike my last few wine tasting experiences, I decided it would be wise to spit the wine out after tasting (those of you that were with me for the NY wine tasting trip, you will no doubt agree that this was a good idea).   I stayed dreadfully sober but also learned a few things about wine, most notably that I prefer beer. 

------Pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2075798&id=48501303&l=e9ced56497

I’ve also discovered that I love Indian food!  On my way back from class I pass several small take-away Indian restaurants, so I am trying every dish I don’t recognize.  So far my favorite is mango chicken!  I’ve also been enjoying a lot of new Chinese food.  On the weekends people like to go out for dim sum, which give me a chance to try all sorts of interesting, new, confusing, mysterious, and often frightening foods.  This weekend I ate whole fish (brains, bones, and everything), chicken feet, and a peanut sitting in the bottom of a bowl that was originally filled with cow stomach.  Believe it or not, it was mostly good (but the chicken feet didn’t have enough meat to make them worth the price in my opinion)! 

I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with this as well as I should!  Hopefully I will get used to school soon and start working more efficiently.  For now, I need to get back to work!  I have an online forum debate on the competitive advantage of Dell between the mid 90’s to early 2000’s, a report on the boundaries to converting to compressed natural gas, bio diesel or other alternative fuels for passenger cars in the states, and I have to pick a semester paper topic for my environmental economics class!  That and it's already past 1am!  AAaaahhh!!!!   Busy busy busy!!!!

Filler

I'm sorry I haven't been posting here much.  Classes (and day trips to vineyards) have been keeping me busy!  I have a lot to say, but I need to get my homework done first!  For now I will leave you with this:

I bought a can of tuna fish at Coles today that had a warning on the label informing me that the product contains fish.

Haircut

Dear Diary,

How are you today, Diary?  Really?  That’s fascinating, do go on!  NO!  YES!  NNOOOOO!  Wow, best story ever.  Now let me tell you about my morning!

A few posts back I mentioned getting a coupon for a free haircut that I didn’t plan on using.  Well… the place it is for is really nice and expensive and I just couldn’t pass up something worth so much for free.

Sooooo, I got my hair cut today by Amy at a salon called Design for Men.  She was wearing sandals that were held onto her leg by at least 25 straps.  I couldn’t imagine spending several minutes undoing and redoing each strap just to get them on and off every day, but if she is that dedicated to fashion then she must be damn good at cutting hair.  This was comforting to me for some reason.  I was very nervous about this cut because as you may or not know it has been a long time since I’ve taken care of my hair. (I eventually made a comment about the sandals  and she told me there was a zipper in the back and that the straps were just for show, but she would wear them even if there was no zipper.  Now that’s commitment!)

See, the problem I had with my old hair was that I was starting to look frighteningly similar to Crazy John, the mascot for a cellular store here in Australia (see picture).  I didn’t want to have to deal with people stopping my on the street and asking me to pose for pictures with their cell phone.  I’d like the attention, but I just don’t have the time.

Anyway, she asked me how I wanted my hair cut, but I had no good answers for her.  Different.  Good.  Not ugly.  I basically told her to cut it so that if she saw me out on the street she would be like, “damn, that’s a nice haircut” and that I had complete confidence that whatever she did would be fantastic.

The end product actually ended up very nice.  I’ve never had anybody put this much effort into my hair.  She even cut it in a way that will take little to no time to style in the morning!  I am happy and my head feels much lighter!!

So there you go.  Everybody can stop telling me to get a haircut now.

I don’t think I’ve ever talked about my hair for this long.  I’m going to go eat a sandwich. 

First Class

Today I attended class for the first time in over three years!  I dressed in a nice polo shirt, got there 15 minutes early, and sat front center.  This time I’m not going to screw thing up!!  I even raised my hand and answered the very first question the teacher asked… incorrectly!  It wasn’t even a wrong answer; it was me flat out not answering the right question.  I’m off to a great start.  At least I stayed awake for the entire class!

Tomorrow I have to be on campus from 11am to 9pm (well, technically I will be there later than 9 because I am meeting people at a bar on campus, but I’m not counting that).  I really hope I can stay focused and do well!  I really REALLY don’t want to repeat my Shippensburg study methods, which consists of cramming, beer, oversleeping, and tacos.  I hunger for knowledge, not tacos!  OK, I do hunger for tacos, but not until after I’ve studied!

Last week I accidently stepped on a lizard while walking through my living room.  That isn’t a sentence you hear very often in Pennsylvania.  The lizard was ok by the way, I just mashed up a little bit of his tail.  I was able to catch it and throw it in the backyard.  For some reason this seemed very normal to me.  I guess I am getting used to life here.

Do you know what else you don’t hear often in Pennsylvania?  I had a kangaroo steak for dinner yesterday!!  It was cooked rare with Jack Daniels sauce and served with veggies.  I wanted to intentionally have it drip on my shorts so I could tell people the stain was from kangaroo blood!  I am weird.

O-Week and poison fish.

I was told to post more relevant stuff, so here are some more words for you to read.  This post is not going to be in chronological order because I would rather type about today first and yesterday later.  Just think of it as a timeline from a Tarantino movie, but not a movie, not interesting, and about me.

 

I really like trade shows and trade-show-like events.  They are a good match for my attention span.  Each booth is usually about three meters long, so while walking by people focus on every display for about 5 seconds.   Having an undeveloped goldfish-like attention span, I normally focus on all things (whether they are 3 or 3000 meters long) for about 5 seconds unless they have flashing lights.  These shows are a chance for me to act and feel normal!  Yaaay!

 

Today was O-Week at the University Of Sydney, which basically means there were hundreds of these little booths trying to get people to join clubs or buy products.  It was great to learn about many of the student organizations on campus and I decided that while I am studying here I might as well get involved!!  Below is a list of organizations I am now a member of and why I decided to join.

 

Wind Orchestra – I like music and musicians!  I really miss playing drums.

Epicurean Society – This is the food eating club.  I’m really good at eating (except poison fish.  See below)!

UniMates – A social group for international students that offers free coffee every Thursday and probably some other benefits!

Photographic Society – This group takes pictures of stuff then looks at the pictures.  They seemed very nice at the booth, and I would love to have somebody show my how to use my expensive camera!

Musical and Theatre Society – I might be able to play drums for the pit.  Who knows, maybe they will let me act!  These pretzels…are making me THIRSTY!

Food Co-Op – This is a student run fresh produce store on campus.  It is near the business building and joining gets me a discount.  It will hopefully pay itself off.

Economics & Econometrics Society - sounds boooring, but I should probably join it.  They do economics stuff (duh).

Chocolate Society – this is a club for people that eat chocolate.  How cool is that????

Captain Planet Association – I used to watch captain planet EVERY DAY!  Finally I’ve found a group of people that share my love for the show!

Bushwalkers – hiking.  Why not.

Brusical – A club for people that enjoy drinking and brewing good beer.  This is a school funded organization, so my uni will hopefully be paying for my hops and barley!

 

Tomorrow I am doing a photographic scavenger hunt around campus with a few friends, then I might join the Legos club, the commerce society, and maybe even the archery society!

 

In total I got 5 candy bars, 19 lollipops, 6 t-shirts, 5 cloth bags, 3 bottles of juice, an apple, an Apple coffee mug, 4 pens, a pack of cards, a pack of chocolate gummy bears, a coupon for a free haircut which I will not be using (for now), coupons for two free beers which I will be using, a pair of chopsticks, instant coffee, a bottle of shaving creme, free hot chocolate with purchase of churros, and more sunburn.  According to the pile of crap in the middle of my room, I had a successful day!

 

I had my first bad food experience yesterday.  I ate some bad fish, which resulted in the quick and forceful evacuation of everything in my digestive system.  Fun times!  This could NOT have come at a worse time because I got a free ticket for a concert that night from a friend in the band Houston Calls (good band!  Listen to them at www.myspace.com/houstoncalls). They were playing with Ace Enders, Hellogoodbye, and New Found Glory!  I did NOT want to miss this again!! 

 

I decided to down half a bottle of stomach medicine and tough it out.  The good news is that I didn’t throw up on anybody.  The bad news is that I missed half of the show was scared to get to involved or drink in fear of throwing up on somebody.  Despite my good behaviour and fashionably late arrival I got carded while there...  TWICE!  People in Australia seem to think I am a lot younger than I am which is nice, but sometimes annoying.  Every time I talk to people in the university or sign up for programs they always assume I am an undergrad student!  Do I really look like I’m in my late teens???

 

One mistake I keep making that does not help is referring to my masters program as “school” or “college”.  In Australia “school” is K-12, “college” is a private high school (I think?), and “university” is…well, a university.  It seems like I will never learn to speak Australian!  This mix up usually causes mild confusion, but I have had a few people believe that I am a high school exchange student (for those of you that do not know, I am 26 years old)!

 

I need to go get some rest so I can collect more free crap tomorrow.  Hopefully I will stay away form poisonous fish!

Food For Thought

Am I really what I eat?  If so, then I am a mix of Thai food, sushi, McDonalds soft serve cones, and Chinese candy.    Let me tell you, I am one happy Thaushioftservandy!  There is no doubt that Sydney has the best food in the world, and I am so very glad that I have the opportunity to enjoy it every day!

 

I want to take this opportunity to answer the second most frequently asked question about Australia (three people have asked me).  They DO have Outback Steakhouse in Australia!  The menus look almost exactly the same (yes, they have the bloomin’ onion)!  This made me start thinking.  Australia has American-Australian restaurants.  What would the American equivalent to Outback be here in Australia?  Where can I get some authentic Australian-American food?  (does that even make sense?  If it doesn’t read it again and again until it does.)

 

I consulted Google Maps to help me with my research.   Since my heart and most of my stomach still lives in Philadelphia, I decided to search for “American Sydney Philadelphia cheesesteak”.  Guess what the first result was.

 

Hooters.

 

Really?

 

An American’s perception of Australian food is steaks and Fosters.  By that logic, an Australian’s perception of American food is big tits and chicken wings.  I’m not sure if we should be proud of that or not.

 

After getting distracted by a colourful bird for about 10 minutes I eventually made my way back to the computer and looked at the second restaurant Google maps offered me.  The place was called The Sugarmill Hotel.  Sure enough they had a Philly cheesesteak under the Sugarmill Subs section of their menu (first mistake)!

 

Philly Cheesesteak:  Shredded beef (so far this looks correct), caramelised onions (spelled incorrectly with an Australian “s” instead of an American “z”), melted cheese (this looks delicious, except for that “s” back there), and …mustard?  WHAT??!??

 

I would LOVE to have somebody from this restaurant find my journal and explain to me in person why the HELL they consider mustard a main ingredient in a philly cheesesteak!  Did they just look at pictures of philly cheesesteaks on the internet and think, “Crikey, that cheese looks bright yellow!  It must have mustard in it!”  That’s cheez whiz, dipshits!

 

Ok, lets be honest here.  Philadelphians don’t have much to brag about (except the Phillies… FINALLY).  There aren’t many things people from Philly hold near and dear to their hearts, but do NOT mess with Wawa, Philly cheesesteaks, tastykakes, or Philly soft pretzels unless you want a beer bottle filled with pennies chucked at your head. 

 

Food for thought:  I wish I could have thoughts for food and eat my own thoughts.  It would probably taste awesome and save me SO much money.  Would thoughts be considered vegan?  They come from, but are not actually part of living creatures.  Hhhmmmm…

Grab life by the HORNS!!

Whoops!  Wrong side.

I'm a student!!!

You should all be happy to know that I am now officially a student!  My post grad orientation started early on the 18^th, catering specifically to non-morning people like me by offering a bottomless cups of tea before they started their boring lectures!  This was great because for one of the first times in my life I was able to stay awake for some of the PowerPoint presentations (or as they refered to it, “death by PowerPoint”), but bad because shortly after they started welcoming us I realized that I really REALLY had to pee.  In an attempt to look like a good student I chose a seat near the front of the room.  I didn’t want to stand up and hop across the entire hall disrupting everybody and embarrassing myself less than an hour after starting school!  In my head I could imagine the professors saying to themselves, “see that obnoxious American who thinks he’s too good for orientation?  Lets give him F’s!”

 

So I sat there shifting around in my seat trying my best not to wet myself as the speeches went on and on and on, each one more boring than the last.  They told us things like, don’t wave large amounts of money around while walking down the streets at night, if you actually attend your lectures it might help you get better grades, don’t eat poison, and that missing your dog from your home country is a normal emotion for an international student.  Regardless of the words they may or may not have been speaking I only heard waterfalls and flushing toilets. 

 

After four hours they broke for lunch and I promptly located the bathroom and lost about 2kg in one minute.  I should market this weight loss technique!   I’m sure there are people stupid enough to pay for it.   Lose weight and feel better in minutes, all in the privacy of your own bathroom!  Results guaranteed!  Brilliant!!

 

At lunch they let us roam free in a large room with free sandwiches (that’s the best kind of sandwich!).  It was a great chance to meet a few people, including a real American!  How cool is that!  I know somebody from the US!!! 

 

Before I go on I would like to explain how I dress myself every morning.  I usually force myself out of my covers, roll off of my bed and fall to the ground, then drag myself still half asleep over to the drawer with my clothing.  I pull out (with my eyes still closed) pants and a shirt and put them on no matter what they are.  This means of selection is completely random and I usually don’t match.  To be honest I don’t even know what it means to match.  Fashion is not one of my better qualities!  The point is, as a result of random selection I ended wearing my West Chester Indoor Soccer League t-shirt to orientation.  This was great because a lot of people wanted to talk to me about soccer!  I even had a few people ask me to join their soccer leagues or teams!  How cool is that!  The only problem is that I bought the shirt at a thrift shop and have NO clue how to play soccer!!  People were unwilling to accept this reality and insisted that if I owned the shirt then I MUST be a fantastic player.  Even after making it abundantly clear that I do not play they still absolutely insisted that I call or email them about getting involved with the sport! If I have time I might actually do it.  Who knows!  Maybe I’m a gifted soccer player and I just never realized it! 

 

Once orientation finished I had to complete the needlessly complicated process of enrolling for classes, then I got my student ID!  I tried to make a funny face and give a thumbs up in my picture but they weren’t amused at me and requested that I look normal.  How boring.

 

Well, this is enough writing for today.  I’m going to go enjoy some Thai food and a Kinder Surprise Egg!!  (Oooooohh I wonder what is inside!!!!)

Croc Tank

If the fall does not kill you the crocodile will

A more realistic image for swooping bird sign

The image on the swooping bird warning is not an accurate representation of what it is like to live with the Australian wildlife, so I drew a new warning image featuring an Australian mosquito.  

Warning, birds will go for the face.

Even the stuffed animals in Australia will kill you!

Check out the bloody snout and claws.  How cute!!!!

Burning in the rain

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything significant here and I apologize.  I’ve been very busy sightseeing, hanging out on beaches, hiking, eating amazing food, and spending my nights on the harbor drinking great wine/beer.  It’s a hard life!

 

So here is what I’ve been up to.

The Bad:

It has been raining like crazy every day this week.  I’ve always heard that you can get sun burnt even when it’s cloudy outside, but to be honest I thought it was just a myth generated by the sun screen industry to boost sales during cloudy days.  Perhaps some sort of conspiracy?    I don’t know...  The point is, I didn’t believe it!  I especially didn’t think I could get sun burnt during a rain storm with a big umbrella over my head.  Well guess what, I did!  How much does it suck to get SUN burnt at the beach without even getting to see the SUN!

 

Last night I saw the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life crawling across the wall in my living room.  I absolutely freaked out and went ninja style on it with my shoe, waking up my flatmate and leaving dozens of foot prints all over are freshly painted white walls and ceilings.  This thing was between 2 and 3 inches long, brown, and covered with hair.  Creeeeeeeeepy!  There was NO way I would have slept until it was out of the house!  Lucky for me about after 40 minutes of searching I cornered it and gave it a good smashing. 

 

The good:

On a brighter note (pun intended), the place I got burnt at was very interesting.  It’s a town up north called Manly Beach, which is known for surfing and fish+chips.  It was beautiful even in the rain!  I took a ferry there with a friend and we walked some really nice trails!  

 

Last week I decided to start looking for a gym to exercise at while studying here.  I sent out a few emails asking for tours and info, but to be a smartass I also told them that my fitness goal was to be able to do flips and acrobatics. 

 

On Friday I got an email from a Russian ex-circus performer who does personal training at a nearby gym offering me back flip lessons.  Needless to say I am intrigued!  We are meeting today to go over times and prices.  Hopefully things will work out! 

 

Sorry there isn’t anything more interesting!  I’m sure once orientation starts next week things will get a bit more hectic!  Between now and then I have TON of pictures to post!  I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines day!!!

This was an awful place to park!

my new slippers

 

Good news everybody!  It looks like this heat wave is finally ending!!  About 5 minutes ago I turned Spinny off for the first EVER (excluding the time I spent transporting my stuff from my old room to my new house)!  

I also got some great new Futurama slippers!  You know you're jealous!

Who the hell would buy tasty when you can get EXTRA tasty??  Do they also have mediocre and sub standard cheddar?

Budget bacon?????  Ingredients:  Fat, Pink.

Feast your eyes upon my whiteness. If I had some blue I could make my arms into a tribute to America!

Hey, check out my hot tan!  Chicks dig tan lines, right?

NO???

Damn!!

Lets get to now already!

I think it’s time to finally catch you up to “now”.  I am tired of posting about the past and anxious to start wasting your time with the irrelevant events of the present!  Lets see if I can get you caught up nice and quickly!

 

In the past week no large spiders have killed me.

 

I love my new house.  I have a wonderful private balcony (which is where I am right now) and the biggest grill I have ever seen in my life.

 

I am slowly starting to get used to the heat.  Instead of my entire body being soaked with sweat after a short walk I only get dampness around my arms, down my back, and in the “private” areas.

 

I have a flatmate from Slovenia who I get along with very well so far.

 

I’ve been told several times that I seem very nice for an American.

 

People here think Americans and Canadians hate each other.

 

Spinny the fan is doing well and is still on 24/7.  I’m toying with getting a larger fan and naming it Rotary McCooly

 

Paddy’s Market is the biggest collection of random crap I have ever seen and I love it.  You can buy a shirt, a new muffler for your car, swords, a wig, computer speakers, a basket of fruit, deodorant, bulk watch batteries, and get a message without walking more than 10 meters.  When I went I bought an Australia shirt, an Australia oven mit (so funny), a new luffa, and dried pineapple slices.

 

The live crabs at the fish market are very cute, and also probably very delicious!

 

Chicken doesn’t taste like chicken sometimes.

 

The  Simpsons and Futurama are on TV almost all the time and I love it!

 

The busses are the cheapest, easiest, and fastest way to get around, but prefer taking the trams (light rail) because it makes me feel like I’m at an amusement park!  There is also a monorail, which I am anxious to ride.

 

The air smells better here.

 

People are running or relaxing in the parks 24/7

 

I’m still a bit sun burnt

 

I bought herbs from a local garden and can't wait to cook with them!

 

Cockatoos are annoying.

 

That is all for now!   It makes me so happy to hear from people that actually took the time to read these posts!  It means so much to me that you would let me waste so much of your time, and it makes me even happier to know that so many of you enjoyed it!  You are all wonderful!!!

Mexican fiasco and my new home sweet home!

1/31/09

Today I wanted Mexican food so I walked to the mall food court and ordered myself a very bland and unsatisfying burrito.  I should have gone to the Japanese restaurant next door with all of the food traveling around on conveyor belts!  It hardly seemed worth the walk to the mall, so I decided to make it worth it by walking into every store in the entire mall (excluding ones that would obviously have nothing I need, like jewelry and barber shops).

Some of the most significant discoveries were made in the grocery stores.  They have almost everything we have (including Heinz ketchup and….Mentos!), but everything is different!  It’s so freaky!  The people there probably thought I was crazy because I was walking slowly around the store getting excited celebrating the discovery of simple things like peanut butter and frozen pizzas!  

2/1/09

Today I moved into my new house!  I can’t wait to get settled in!  Hopefully a bit later on I will have some pictures to show you.

To move all of my stuff from my dorm room to the house I had to call for a taxi, which I did.  I arranged to be picked up outside at 11am.  11am came and went.  No taxi.  I called a few times and they kept assuring me a cab would be there shortly.

Still, no taxi.

Finally about an hour and a half a small taxi driven by a very VERY old man came speeding up to me.  After abruptly stopping in the middle of the road he shouting something I couldn’t understand out the window. 

I decided it would be best to just yell back “Yes!”

This pleased him! He started turning the cab around to face the different direction which involved scraping the back of the cab into a large curb, forcing the entire rear axel of the car (which was almost unwilling and defiantly not fit for such a task) up the curb and into the grass, then smashing it back down onto the road.  This abuse was repeated with the other side of the car and the curb running on the other side of the street.  I cringed as the car banged and scraped it’s way around.  Why he didn’t drive a few meters farther and turn around in one of the many open parking spots I do not know.  In a sick way I enjoyed watching it the same way people seem to enjoy slowing down and looking at car accidents.  Then I remembered that I had to actually get into this car and go for a ride!

I wasn’t sure if I should be terrified by his obvious lack of concern for his vehicle wellbeing or impressed by the dedication he put into turning his car around.

He stepped outside of the cab and started saying more things I could not understand.  I think it might have been English, but I am not sure.  If you’ve seen Hot Fuzz, think the old man with the guns but more Australian (if you haven’t seen Hot Fuzz stop reading my journal and go rent it.  NOW!)

I answered “Yes.”

I must have answered correctly because he opened the trunk and we started filling the car with all of my bags. 

Once we were all packed and ready to go I sat down in the front seat next to him and we were on our way!  Boy was he talkative!  He just talked and talked the entire way barely stopping to breath (and barely looked at the road)!  At one point he even pointed to my guitar and started singing!  This would have been great if I could understand what he was saying!

I spent the entire ride trying to guess what my response should be to his “words”.  After some remarks I would say yes, after other I would give a calm laugh, and after others I would disagree.  A few times he seemed upset with my responses, but for the most part he seemed to really enjoy our conversation!  When we got to the house I handed him a 20 hoping it was enough.  It was and he handed me my change, said a few of what I can only assume were kind words, and was on his way with a friendly wave out the window.

Finally, my new home sweet home!

The first half of week 2

1/27/09

 

Today was the first time I’ve seen a spider since getting to Australia.  I smashed it with a large rock.   Hopefully all of the large spiders watched and will fear me from now on!  That’s how spiders work you know.  You need to assert your dominance early in the game or they will walk all over you!  I AM THE ALPHA MALE!   *pounds chest*

 

I also ordered my first pizza since getting here.  It was awful!  On a brighter note I bought a card reader for my camera, so I can finally start taking pictures and transferring them to my computer!!! 

 

 

1/28/09

 

Today is my 26^th birthday!  Unfortunately nobody in this hemisphere knows that except for me.  To celebrate I was going to go visit the Sydney opera house and sight see around that area, but the weather is supposed to be crummy so as sad as it sounds I plan on spending my birthdays in my room watching movies on my laptop and reading.  My feet and brain are sore and I’m sun burnt.  A nice quiet motionless day might not be so bad. 

 

On a happier note I’ve already gotten several happy birthday messages from people that knew Sydney is a day ahead of the US!  I can only hope the friends I meet here are half as wonderful as my friends in the US!

 

For dinner I went out and ordered fish and chips at a small local restaurant.  They do not have ketchup here.  Instead they have “tomatoes sauce” which costs extra and tastes like garbage!!  I need to add that to my list of things I miss.  In fact, lets take a look at my top ten

 

1.       1.  The people I love and care about (that’s you!)

2.   2.  Kitty cats and doggies (even the stinky one)

3.    3.  The internets!!  Oh interwebs, how I miss thee!

4.     4.  Pizza and ketchup.  It is awful here!!  But I guess they make up for it with great Asian food!

5.       5.  My drums.  All I have to play on is my desk and the walls.  I bet my neighbor hates me.

6.   6.  Knowing where I am.  I am lost all the time.  I don’t even really know where I am right now.

7.       7.  Having a car.  As much of a pain in my ass as my car was (I will NEVER buy anything German  again!) I adored it and I miss driving.

8.   8.  Cold air.  It’s sooooo hooooooootttt…

9.       9.  Having an income.  Even if I get an amazing job and work the max hours I can by law I will still lose a considerable amount of money every day.

10.   10.   Understanding how much each coin is worth.  Some of the coins are very large and take up my entire wallet.  I wobble when I sit because my wallet is so fat with metal.  I like my butt to be symmetrical and these coins are totally messing everything up!

11.   11.  The gym.  I know I said 10 and this is 11, but I really wish I had a gym to go to.  I bought some stretching exercise ropes at Kmart and already broke all of them.  I need to find a place to work out!

 

 

1/29/09

 

I am aware my birthday was yesterday, but today is my birthday in the united states, and since that is where I was born I’m going to go ahead and consider today my real birthday, because I had a wonderful day!  I took the train into the city and walked around the domain, the royal botanic gardens, and the beautiful opera house.  I can’t wait to show it off to anybody who visits!  After that I decided to do a little more exploring on campus and discovered that there is a museum not too far from my dorm (however I did not go in it). 

 

Once I was finally exhausted and tired of the sun I headed back to my room for some water and muesi bars, but took a detour to watch some cricket.  I sat there for an hour and still have no idea what they were doing.

 

I can’t wait to show off my pictures!

Note:  Pictures can be seen by clicking here