You should all be happy to know that I am now officially a student! My post grad orientation started early on the 18th, catering specifically to non-morning people like me by offering a bottomless cups of tea before they started their boring lectures! This was great because for one of the first times in my life I was able to stay awake for some of the PowerPoint presentations (or as they refered to it, “death by PowerPoint”), but bad because shortly after they started welcoming us I realized that I really REALLY had to pee. In an attempt to look like a good student I chose a seat near the front of the room. I didn’t want to stand up and hop across the entire hall disrupting everybody and embarrassing myself less than an hour after starting school! In my head I could imagine the professors saying to themselves, “see that obnoxious American who thinks he’s too good for orientation? Lets give him F’s!”
So I sat there shifting around in my seat trying my best not to wet myself as the speeches went on and on and on, each one more boring than the last. They told us things like, don’t wave large amounts of money around while walking down the streets at night, if you actually attend your lectures it might help you get better grades, don’t eat poison, and that missing your dog from your home country is a normal emotion for an international student. Regardless of the words they may or may not have been speaking I only heard waterfalls and flushing toilets.
After four hours they broke for lunch and I promptly located the bathroom and lost about 2kg in one minute. I should market this weight loss technique! I’m sure there are people stupid enough to pay for it. Lose weight and feel better in minutes, all in the privacy of your own bathroom! Results guaranteed! Brilliant!!
At lunch they let us roam free in a large room with free sandwiches (that’s the best kind of sandwich!). It was a great chance to meet a few people, including a real American! How cool is that! I know somebody from the US!!!
Before I go on I would like to explain how I dress myself every morning. I usually force myself out of my covers, roll off of my bed and fall to the ground, then drag myself still half asleep over to the drawer with my clothing. I pull out (with my eyes still closed) pants and a shirt and put them on no matter what they are. This means of selection is completely random and I usually don’t match. To be honest I don’t even know what it means to match. Fashion is not one of my better qualities! The point is, as a result of random selection I ended wearing my West Chester Indoor Soccer League t-shirt to orientation. This was great because a lot of people wanted to talk to me about soccer! I even had a few people ask me to join their soccer leagues or teams! How cool is that! The only problem is that I bought the shirt at a thrift shop and have NO clue how to play soccer!! People were unwilling to accept this reality and insisted that if I owned the shirt then I MUST be a fantastic player. Even after making it abundantly clear that I do not play they still absolutely insisted that I call or email them about getting involved with the sport! If I have time I might actually do it. Who knows! Maybe I’m a gifted soccer player and I just never realized it!
Once orientation finished I had to complete the needlessly complicated process of enrolling for classes, then I got my student ID! I tried to make a funny face and give a thumbs up in my picture but they weren’t amused at me and requested that I look normal. How boring.
Well, this is enough writing for today. I’m going to go enjoy some Thai food and a Kinder Surprise Egg!! (Oooooohh I wonder what is inside!!!!)
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