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Oh your God, was it hot in my room. I threw my stuff on the ground and immediately got a shower because in all honesty I smelled like somebody wrapped boiled cabbage in a used jock strap. Mmmmm, Sexy!
I’d like to flash back and remind you that I forgot to pick up my arrival info at the airport. So here I was, with no idea where I actually was.
I decided to not let this stop me and wandered out to try and find the international student office. If anybody would be able to help me, it would be them! I had their address on some paperwork and figured I would eventually run into a map that would help me.
After a good bit of walking I found an “info” stand with a large map! Horray!!! Even better, somebody had left a paper copy of the map sitting in front of it!
“This is my lucky day! “ I exclaimed aloud right as I noticed that the building I needed to find was on the complete other corner of campus.
I turned around and started heading off in the right direction. About 40 minutes and 6 Liters of sweat later (about 1.5 gallons) I got to the building and was greeted by a sign informing me that the international office had been moved to the 4th floor of the Russ building.
Russ building? OK fine. Let me bust out my shiny new map and find it!
There is no Russ building… Wtf!
I decide to re-adopt my initial strategy and just start walking. After an hour or so of pointless wandering I finally broke down, pulled out my map, and asked somebody where the Russ building was located.
“Oh, it’s this building right here” they said pointing at my map as if I were a fool for not knowing.
“The one marked ‘construction site’ On the other side of campus?”
“yup! You’re way off out here!”
“Yes, it would appear as though your observation is correct…”
So I walked across campus again, perspiring like I was in a damn sauna and panting as I begrudgingly hauled my stubborn sun burnt legs along. I would have killed 100 adorable puppies with my bare hands for just a single ice cube.
I finally got to the International Office and they welcomed me to Uni with a smile on their faces and told me to stop by the computer center to set up my “UniKey” and get a student email address. This building was across the street from where their office USED TO BE! AAARRGGGHHH!!!! They also told me I should attend the new arrival meeting at 10:30am. I asked what time it was because I genuinely did not know. It was 1:30pm. I guess I missed it.
So off I went to the computer center. Once I got there a man who seemed very comfortable with the warm weather was happy to start setting up my info, but eventually informed me that I would have to see the people in the Fisher Library computer lab to finish getting my wireless internet activated. It was located ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS!!!
If I wasn’t so exhausted, sun burnt, and sweaty and I if I still had any energy I would have jumped across the desk and beaten him in the face with my laptop.
So off I went AGAIN! I can not stress how hot it was for me. For all you east coast people, you know that as soon as it’s 60 degrees F you will be outside with your tee shirts and shorts. Can you even imagine 100??? That was a rhetorical question. YOU CAN’T!! It was 100, but to me if seriously felt like the sun was resting inches from my face poking me with pitchforks filled with burning hay, laughing burning and taunting me like napalm launching hyenas.
I reluctantly made my way to Fisher library. I don’t know why, but it really bothered me to see so many people walk by seemingly enjoying the weather. At this point I was literally drenched with sweat. My pit stains had become upper body stains, then eventually full body stains. There was no part of my clothing left dry.
After what seemed like a 20 mile walk, I eventually made it to the library and the assholes made me go up stairs to get to the computer center. STAIRS??? You dicks, I hate you…
Finally I was there! I was ready to have my computer set up so I could access the internet, but all the nerds behind the desk did was hand me a pamphlet with directions for setting everything up myself. WHY couldn’t they have given this to me at any of my other stops?? Whatever, no point in wasting energy getting violently angry over this.
I spent about 30 minutes in the library downloading and tinkering with network settings, then I was done! DONE! Yay! Now I have wireless internet!! Wait, what does this small print say??
Students are allowed 6mb of internet usage per day and only select sites for research can be accessed.
*smacks self in forehead then winces in pain due to sunburn*
I decided that the only thing I could do was retreat to my room to lap water from the faucet like a dog (I had no cup) and take a few more cold showers.
If nothing else I guess I’m starting to learn my way around campus.
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