O-Week and poison fish.

I was told to post more relevant stuff, so here are some more words for you to read.  This post is not going to be in chronological order because I would rather type about today first and yesterday later.  Just think of it as a timeline from a Tarantino movie, but not a movie, not interesting, and about me.

 

I really like trade shows and trade-show-like events.  They are a good match for my attention span.  Each booth is usually about three meters long, so while walking by people focus on every display for about 5 seconds.   Having an undeveloped goldfish-like attention span, I normally focus on all things (whether they are 3 or 3000 meters long) for about 5 seconds unless they have flashing lights.  These shows are a chance for me to act and feel normal!  Yaaay!

 

Today was O-Week at the University Of Sydney, which basically means there were hundreds of these little booths trying to get people to join clubs or buy products.  It was great to learn about many of the student organizations on campus and I decided that while I am studying here I might as well get involved!!  Below is a list of organizations I am now a member of and why I decided to join.

 

Wind Orchestra – I like music and musicians!  I really miss playing drums.

Epicurean Society – This is the food eating club.  I’m really good at eating (except poison fish.  See below)!

UniMates – A social group for international students that offers free coffee every Thursday and probably some other benefits!

Photographic Society – This group takes pictures of stuff then looks at the pictures.  They seemed very nice at the booth, and I would love to have somebody show my how to use my expensive camera!

Musical and Theatre Society – I might be able to play drums for the pit.  Who knows, maybe they will let me act!  These pretzels…are making me THIRSTY!

Food Co-Op – This is a student run fresh produce store on campus.  It is near the business building and joining gets me a discount.  It will hopefully pay itself off.

Economics & Econometrics Society - sounds boooring, but I should probably join it.  They do economics stuff (duh).

Chocolate Society – this is a club for people that eat chocolate.  How cool is that????

Captain Planet Association – I used to watch captain planet EVERY DAY!  Finally I’ve found a group of people that share my love for the show!

Bushwalkers – hiking.  Why not.

Brusical – A club for people that enjoy drinking and brewing good beer.  This is a school funded organization, so my uni will hopefully be paying for my hops and barley!

 

Tomorrow I am doing a photographic scavenger hunt around campus with a few friends, then I might join the Legos club, the commerce society, and maybe even the archery society!

 

In total I got 5 candy bars, 19 lollipops, 6 t-shirts, 5 cloth bags, 3 bottles of juice, an apple, an Apple coffee mug, 4 pens, a pack of cards, a pack of chocolate gummy bears, a coupon for a free haircut which I will not be using (for now), coupons for two free beers which I will be using, a pair of chopsticks, instant coffee, a bottle of shaving creme, free hot chocolate with purchase of churros, and more sunburn.  According to the pile of crap in the middle of my room, I had a successful day!

 

I had my first bad food experience yesterday.  I ate some bad fish, which resulted in the quick and forceful evacuation of everything in my digestive system.  Fun times!  This could NOT have come at a worse time because I got a free ticket for a concert that night from a friend in the band Houston Calls (good band!  Listen to them at www.myspace.com/houstoncalls). They were playing with Ace Enders, Hellogoodbye, and New Found Glory!  I did NOT want to miss this again!! 

 

I decided to down half a bottle of stomach medicine and tough it out.  The good news is that I didn’t throw up on anybody.  The bad news is that I missed half of the show was scared to get to involved or drink in fear of throwing up on somebody.  Despite my good behaviour and fashionably late arrival I got carded while there...  TWICE!  People in Australia seem to think I am a lot younger than I am which is nice, but sometimes annoying.  Every time I talk to people in the university or sign up for programs they always assume I am an undergrad student!  Do I really look like I’m in my late teens???

 

One mistake I keep making that does not help is referring to my masters program as “school” or “college”.  In Australia “school” is K-12, “college” is a private high school (I think?), and “university” is…well, a university.  It seems like I will never learn to speak Australian!  This mix up usually causes mild confusion, but I have had a few people believe that I am a high school exchange student (for those of you that do not know, I am 26 years old)!

 

I need to go get some rest so I can collect more free crap tomorrow.  Hopefully I will stay away form poisonous fish!

Food For Thought

Am I really what I eat?  If so, then I am a mix of Thai food, sushi, McDonalds soft serve cones, and Chinese candy.    Let me tell you, I am one happy Thaushioftservandy!  There is no doubt that Sydney has the best food in the world, and I am so very glad that I have the opportunity to enjoy it every day!

 

I want to take this opportunity to answer the second most frequently asked question about Australia (three people have asked me).  They DO have Outback Steakhouse in Australia!  The menus look almost exactly the same (yes, they have the bloomin’ onion)!  This made me start thinking.  Australia has American-Australian restaurants.  What would the American equivalent to Outback be here in Australia?  Where can I get some authentic Australian-American food?  (does that even make sense?  If it doesn’t read it again and again until it does.)

 

I consulted Google Maps to help me with my research.   Since my heart and most of my stomach still lives in Philadelphia, I decided to search for “American Sydney Philadelphia cheesesteak”.  Guess what the first result was.

 

Hooters.

 

Really?

 

An American’s perception of Australian food is steaks and Fosters.  By that logic, an Australian’s perception of American food is big tits and chicken wings.  I’m not sure if we should be proud of that or not.

 

After getting distracted by a colourful bird for about 10 minutes I eventually made my way back to the computer and looked at the second restaurant Google maps offered me.  The place was called The Sugarmill Hotel.  Sure enough they had a Philly cheesesteak under the Sugarmill Subs section of their menu (first mistake)!

 

Philly Cheesesteak:  Shredded beef (so far this looks correct), caramelised onions (spelled incorrectly with an Australian “s” instead of an American “z”), melted cheese (this looks delicious, except for that “s” back there), and …mustard?  WHAT??!??

 

I would LOVE to have somebody from this restaurant find my journal and explain to me in person why the HELL they consider mustard a main ingredient in a philly cheesesteak!  Did they just look at pictures of philly cheesesteaks on the internet and think, “Crikey, that cheese looks bright yellow!  It must have mustard in it!”  That’s cheez whiz, dipshits!

 

Ok, lets be honest here.  Philadelphians don’t have much to brag about (except the Phillies… FINALLY).  There aren’t many things people from Philly hold near and dear to their hearts, but do NOT mess with Wawa, Philly cheesesteaks, tastykakes, or Philly soft pretzels unless you want a beer bottle filled with pennies chucked at your head. 

 

Food for thought:  I wish I could have thoughts for food and eat my own thoughts.  It would probably taste awesome and save me SO much money.  Would thoughts be considered vegan?  They come from, but are not actually part of living creatures.  Hhhmmmm…

Grab life by the HORNS!!

Whoops!  Wrong side.

I'm a student!!!

You should all be happy to know that I am now officially a student!  My post grad orientation started early on the 18^th, catering specifically to non-morning people like me by offering a bottomless cups of tea before they started their boring lectures!  This was great because for one of the first times in my life I was able to stay awake for some of the PowerPoint presentations (or as they refered to it, “death by PowerPoint”), but bad because shortly after they started welcoming us I realized that I really REALLY had to pee.  In an attempt to look like a good student I chose a seat near the front of the room.  I didn’t want to stand up and hop across the entire hall disrupting everybody and embarrassing myself less than an hour after starting school!  In my head I could imagine the professors saying to themselves, “see that obnoxious American who thinks he’s too good for orientation?  Lets give him F’s!”

 

So I sat there shifting around in my seat trying my best not to wet myself as the speeches went on and on and on, each one more boring than the last.  They told us things like, don’t wave large amounts of money around while walking down the streets at night, if you actually attend your lectures it might help you get better grades, don’t eat poison, and that missing your dog from your home country is a normal emotion for an international student.  Regardless of the words they may or may not have been speaking I only heard waterfalls and flushing toilets. 

 

After four hours they broke for lunch and I promptly located the bathroom and lost about 2kg in one minute.  I should market this weight loss technique!   I’m sure there are people stupid enough to pay for it.   Lose weight and feel better in minutes, all in the privacy of your own bathroom!  Results guaranteed!  Brilliant!!

 

At lunch they let us roam free in a large room with free sandwiches (that’s the best kind of sandwich!).  It was a great chance to meet a few people, including a real American!  How cool is that!  I know somebody from the US!!! 

 

Before I go on I would like to explain how I dress myself every morning.  I usually force myself out of my covers, roll off of my bed and fall to the ground, then drag myself still half asleep over to the drawer with my clothing.  I pull out (with my eyes still closed) pants and a shirt and put them on no matter what they are.  This means of selection is completely random and I usually don’t match.  To be honest I don’t even know what it means to match.  Fashion is not one of my better qualities!  The point is, as a result of random selection I ended wearing my West Chester Indoor Soccer League t-shirt to orientation.  This was great because a lot of people wanted to talk to me about soccer!  I even had a few people ask me to join their soccer leagues or teams!  How cool is that!  The only problem is that I bought the shirt at a thrift shop and have NO clue how to play soccer!!  People were unwilling to accept this reality and insisted that if I owned the shirt then I MUST be a fantastic player.  Even after making it abundantly clear that I do not play they still absolutely insisted that I call or email them about getting involved with the sport! If I have time I might actually do it.  Who knows!  Maybe I’m a gifted soccer player and I just never realized it! 

 

Once orientation finished I had to complete the needlessly complicated process of enrolling for classes, then I got my student ID!  I tried to make a funny face and give a thumbs up in my picture but they weren’t amused at me and requested that I look normal.  How boring.

 

Well, this is enough writing for today.  I’m going to go enjoy some Thai food and a Kinder Surprise Egg!!  (Oooooohh I wonder what is inside!!!!)

Croc Tank

If the fall does not kill you the crocodile will

A more realistic image for swooping bird sign

The image on the swooping bird warning is not an accurate representation of what it is like to live with the Australian wildlife, so I drew a new warning image featuring an Australian mosquito.  

Warning, birds will go for the face.

Even the stuffed animals in Australia will kill you!

Check out the bloody snout and claws.  How cute!!!!

Burning in the rain

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything significant here and I apologize.  I’ve been very busy sightseeing, hanging out on beaches, hiking, eating amazing food, and spending my nights on the harbor drinking great wine/beer.  It’s a hard life!

 

So here is what I’ve been up to.

The Bad:

It has been raining like crazy every day this week.  I’ve always heard that you can get sun burnt even when it’s cloudy outside, but to be honest I thought it was just a myth generated by the sun screen industry to boost sales during cloudy days.  Perhaps some sort of conspiracy?    I don’t know...  The point is, I didn’t believe it!  I especially didn’t think I could get sun burnt during a rain storm with a big umbrella over my head.  Well guess what, I did!  How much does it suck to get SUN burnt at the beach without even getting to see the SUN!

 

Last night I saw the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life crawling across the wall in my living room.  I absolutely freaked out and went ninja style on it with my shoe, waking up my flatmate and leaving dozens of foot prints all over are freshly painted white walls and ceilings.  This thing was between 2 and 3 inches long, brown, and covered with hair.  Creeeeeeeeepy!  There was NO way I would have slept until it was out of the house!  Lucky for me about after 40 minutes of searching I cornered it and gave it a good smashing. 

 

The good:

On a brighter note (pun intended), the place I got burnt at was very interesting.  It’s a town up north called Manly Beach, which is known for surfing and fish+chips.  It was beautiful even in the rain!  I took a ferry there with a friend and we walked some really nice trails!  

 

Last week I decided to start looking for a gym to exercise at while studying here.  I sent out a few emails asking for tours and info, but to be a smartass I also told them that my fitness goal was to be able to do flips and acrobatics. 

 

On Friday I got an email from a Russian ex-circus performer who does personal training at a nearby gym offering me back flip lessons.  Needless to say I am intrigued!  We are meeting today to go over times and prices.  Hopefully things will work out! 

 

Sorry there isn’t anything more interesting!  I’m sure once orientation starts next week things will get a bit more hectic!  Between now and then I have TON of pictures to post!  I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines day!!!

This was an awful place to park!

my new slippers

 

Good news everybody!  It looks like this heat wave is finally ending!!  About 5 minutes ago I turned Spinny off for the first EVER (excluding the time I spent transporting my stuff from my old room to my new house)!  

I also got some great new Futurama slippers!  You know you're jealous!

Who the hell would buy tasty when you can get EXTRA tasty??  Do they also have mediocre and sub standard cheddar?

Budget bacon?????  Ingredients:  Fat, Pink.

Feast your eyes upon my whiteness. If I had some blue I could make my arms into a tribute to America!

Hey, check out my hot tan!  Chicks dig tan lines, right?

NO???

Damn!!

Lets get to now already!

I think it’s time to finally catch you up to “now”.  I am tired of posting about the past and anxious to start wasting your time with the irrelevant events of the present!  Lets see if I can get you caught up nice and quickly!

 

In the past week no large spiders have killed me.

 

I love my new house.  I have a wonderful private balcony (which is where I am right now) and the biggest grill I have ever seen in my life.

 

I am slowly starting to get used to the heat.  Instead of my entire body being soaked with sweat after a short walk I only get dampness around my arms, down my back, and in the “private” areas.

 

I have a flatmate from Slovenia who I get along with very well so far.

 

I’ve been told several times that I seem very nice for an American.

 

People here think Americans and Canadians hate each other.

 

Spinny the fan is doing well and is still on 24/7.  I’m toying with getting a larger fan and naming it Rotary McCooly

 

Paddy’s Market is the biggest collection of random crap I have ever seen and I love it.  You can buy a shirt, a new muffler for your car, swords, a wig, computer speakers, a basket of fruit, deodorant, bulk watch batteries, and get a message without walking more than 10 meters.  When I went I bought an Australia shirt, an Australia oven mit (so funny), a new luffa, and dried pineapple slices.

 

The live crabs at the fish market are very cute, and also probably very delicious!

 

Chicken doesn’t taste like chicken sometimes.

 

The  Simpsons and Futurama are on TV almost all the time and I love it!

 

The busses are the cheapest, easiest, and fastest way to get around, but prefer taking the trams (light rail) because it makes me feel like I’m at an amusement park!  There is also a monorail, which I am anxious to ride.

 

The air smells better here.

 

People are running or relaxing in the parks 24/7

 

I’m still a bit sun burnt

 

I bought herbs from a local garden and can't wait to cook with them!

 

Cockatoos are annoying.

 

That is all for now!   It makes me so happy to hear from people that actually took the time to read these posts!  It means so much to me that you would let me waste so much of your time, and it makes me even happier to know that so many of you enjoyed it!  You are all wonderful!!!

Mexican fiasco and my new home sweet home!

1/31/09

Today I wanted Mexican food so I walked to the mall food court and ordered myself a very bland and unsatisfying burrito.  I should have gone to the Japanese restaurant next door with all of the food traveling around on conveyor belts!  It hardly seemed worth the walk to the mall, so I decided to make it worth it by walking into every store in the entire mall (excluding ones that would obviously have nothing I need, like jewelry and barber shops).

Some of the most significant discoveries were made in the grocery stores.  They have almost everything we have (including Heinz ketchup and….Mentos!), but everything is different!  It’s so freaky!  The people there probably thought I was crazy because I was walking slowly around the store getting excited celebrating the discovery of simple things like peanut butter and frozen pizzas!  

2/1/09

Today I moved into my new house!  I can’t wait to get settled in!  Hopefully a bit later on I will have some pictures to show you.

To move all of my stuff from my dorm room to the house I had to call for a taxi, which I did.  I arranged to be picked up outside at 11am.  11am came and went.  No taxi.  I called a few times and they kept assuring me a cab would be there shortly.

Still, no taxi.

Finally about an hour and a half a small taxi driven by a very VERY old man came speeding up to me.  After abruptly stopping in the middle of the road he shouting something I couldn’t understand out the window. 

I decided it would be best to just yell back “Yes!”

This pleased him! He started turning the cab around to face the different direction which involved scraping the back of the cab into a large curb, forcing the entire rear axel of the car (which was almost unwilling and defiantly not fit for such a task) up the curb and into the grass, then smashing it back down onto the road.  This abuse was repeated with the other side of the car and the curb running on the other side of the street.  I cringed as the car banged and scraped it’s way around.  Why he didn’t drive a few meters farther and turn around in one of the many open parking spots I do not know.  In a sick way I enjoyed watching it the same way people seem to enjoy slowing down and looking at car accidents.  Then I remembered that I had to actually get into this car and go for a ride!

I wasn’t sure if I should be terrified by his obvious lack of concern for his vehicle wellbeing or impressed by the dedication he put into turning his car around.

He stepped outside of the cab and started saying more things I could not understand.  I think it might have been English, but I am not sure.  If you’ve seen Hot Fuzz, think the old man with the guns but more Australian (if you haven’t seen Hot Fuzz stop reading my journal and go rent it.  NOW!)

I answered “Yes.”

I must have answered correctly because he opened the trunk and we started filling the car with all of my bags. 

Once we were all packed and ready to go I sat down in the front seat next to him and we were on our way!  Boy was he talkative!  He just talked and talked the entire way barely stopping to breath (and barely looked at the road)!  At one point he even pointed to my guitar and started singing!  This would have been great if I could understand what he was saying!

I spent the entire ride trying to guess what my response should be to his “words”.  After some remarks I would say yes, after other I would give a calm laugh, and after others I would disagree.  A few times he seemed upset with my responses, but for the most part he seemed to really enjoy our conversation!  When we got to the house I handed him a 20 hoping it was enough.  It was and he handed me my change, said a few of what I can only assume were kind words, and was on his way with a friendly wave out the window.

Finally, my new home sweet home!

The first half of week 2

1/27/09

 

Today was the first time I’ve seen a spider since getting to Australia.  I smashed it with a large rock.   Hopefully all of the large spiders watched and will fear me from now on!  That’s how spiders work you know.  You need to assert your dominance early in the game or they will walk all over you!  I AM THE ALPHA MALE!   *pounds chest*

 

I also ordered my first pizza since getting here.  It was awful!  On a brighter note I bought a card reader for my camera, so I can finally start taking pictures and transferring them to my computer!!! 

 

 

1/28/09

 

Today is my 26^th birthday!  Unfortunately nobody in this hemisphere knows that except for me.  To celebrate I was going to go visit the Sydney opera house and sight see around that area, but the weather is supposed to be crummy so as sad as it sounds I plan on spending my birthdays in my room watching movies on my laptop and reading.  My feet and brain are sore and I’m sun burnt.  A nice quiet motionless day might not be so bad. 

 

On a happier note I’ve already gotten several happy birthday messages from people that knew Sydney is a day ahead of the US!  I can only hope the friends I meet here are half as wonderful as my friends in the US!

 

For dinner I went out and ordered fish and chips at a small local restaurant.  They do not have ketchup here.  Instead they have “tomatoes sauce” which costs extra and tastes like garbage!!  I need to add that to my list of things I miss.  In fact, lets take a look at my top ten

 

1.       1.  The people I love and care about (that’s you!)

2.   2.  Kitty cats and doggies (even the stinky one)

3.    3.  The internets!!  Oh interwebs, how I miss thee!

4.     4.  Pizza and ketchup.  It is awful here!!  But I guess they make up for it with great Asian food!

5.       5.  My drums.  All I have to play on is my desk and the walls.  I bet my neighbor hates me.

6.   6.  Knowing where I am.  I am lost all the time.  I don’t even really know where I am right now.

7.       7.  Having a car.  As much of a pain in my ass as my car was (I will NEVER buy anything German  again!) I adored it and I miss driving.

8.   8.  Cold air.  It’s sooooo hooooooootttt…

9.       9.  Having an income.  Even if I get an amazing job and work the max hours I can by law I will still lose a considerable amount of money every day.

10.   10.   Understanding how much each coin is worth.  Some of the coins are very large and take up my entire wallet.  I wobble when I sit because my wallet is so fat with metal.  I like my butt to be symmetrical and these coins are totally messing everything up!

11.   11.  The gym.  I know I said 10 and this is 11, but I really wish I had a gym to go to.  I bought some stretching exercise ropes at Kmart and already broke all of them.  I need to find a place to work out!

 

 

1/29/09

 

I am aware my birthday was yesterday, but today is my birthday in the united states, and since that is where I was born I’m going to go ahead and consider today my real birthday, because I had a wonderful day!  I took the train into the city and walked around the domain, the royal botanic gardens, and the beautiful opera house.  I can’t wait to show it off to anybody who visits!  After that I decided to do a little more exploring on campus and discovered that there is a museum not too far from my dorm (however I did not go in it). 

 

Once I was finally exhausted and tired of the sun I headed back to my room for some water and muesi bars, but took a detour to watch some cricket.  I sat there for an hour and still have no idea what they were doing.

 

I can’t wait to show off my pictures!

Note:  Pictures can be seen by clicking here

What I look like in this weather

While walking around campus a few days after I got to Sydney I accidently took this picture with my cell phone.  I think it is a good visual aid for explaining the weather.

The sun feels and looks like it is about 30cm (~1ft) from my head but hidden behind those wonderful clouds!

First weekend and Australia day

First weekend

 

Life got a bit less exciting after the first few days.  I got a bank account and an iphone.  I met a few people, but no relationships got developed to the point where I would ever see them again.  I started dedicating all of my time to finding a place to live and worked on setting up my class schedule for the coming semester.

I looked at some really crappy houses.  Rent was cheap, but damn!  I have to keep reminding myself that I need an academic environment if I want to do well, so I’ve been declining “party” houses which are generally the cheapest.  I want friends that are fun, but not friends that will steal my laptop and sell it for drug money.  I don’t want to accidently step on a hypodermic needle while walking to get a glass of water late at night (I mention this because it was a story told at one of the houses I looked at).  No matter how much I tried, the cheap side of me just wouldn’t let me check out any expensive places.

Finally my father said it best.  How often do you get to live in Sydney?  Treat it like a long vacation and live well.  He was absolutely correct, although a bit out of character (how do you think I learned to be cheap?).  I don’t want to be miserable every day I’m here!  I decided to bite at a very expensive offer for a room in a suburb about a 20 min walk north called Glebe. 

I love this house!  I need to get pictures.  It was furnished and as soon as he showed me the open bedroom I was sold.  My entire life I’ve always wanted a room with a private balcony!  I had to have it no matter what the cost, so I decided to suck it up and throw all of my cash down the toilet to take the room.

The only problem was that he was still looking for people to take the other rooms.  I might end up with creepy people, but it’s a gamble I was willing to take.  I think I am an agreeable person and will hopefully get along with whomever else lives there. 

So yeah.  I will eventually have a place to live, but not for a week because it is still being renovated.  I can’t wait!

By the way, asian food is amazing and cheap here.  I got a a smoked eel sushi roll for ONE DOLLAR aud, which is about $.70 usd!!   After that I had a huge tub of Thai food for 6 bucks!  I love it!

 

 

Australia Day:

 

Today is apparently Australia day.  I took the train to meet one of my sister’s friend at a park for food drinks and Frisbee.  I’m still a bit overwhelmed by everything and I was probably boring, but it was really nice to be able to sit down and talk to people!  Everybody seemed very friendly and it was a great change of scenery!

It eventually started raining so I headed back to my room.  On the way I picked up some great cheap sushi and got totally drenched (for the first time not from sweat), but it was worth it!

When I got back to my room I looked in my mirror and noticed that I had an unusually long hair growing in my right eyebrows.  Now, I have naturally bushy eyebrows (thanks dad), and normally I wouldn’t waste my time writing to my family and friends about my body hair abnormalities, but daaaamn!  How in the hell did I not see this before???   It was seriously about an inch long!  It just amazed me.   Totally blew my mind!  I tried to get a picture but it really didn’t do it justice because it curled and looked shorter.  Seriously, how did I not see this before??

I also burnt my lip as a result of extremely poor judgment, but I won’t bore you with that story.

Next few days in Australia:

I know you are probably sick of hearing (reading) me say this, but I feel like I need to say it again.  It is WAY too hot for me here!  I never thought I would miss snow within hours of arriving!  While walking around in my adventures below I actually had people laughing at how sweaty and distressed I was.  One girl actually said to me, “it’s not THAT hot!”  Unfortunately I was too hot to think of a witty response so I snapped back with a very clever, “um, yes it is.”

 

Aaaaaanyway, I quickly exhausted the number of things I had to take care of on campus, so I eventually started exploring off campus.  On my first trip out I wandered around for a few hours trying to find something useful and eventually found a great multi level shopping mall hidden within a city block.  Upon entering I was greeted with a very familiar site…  Kmart!

 

I had never been so happy to see a Kmart!!  I ran in overjoyed, arms waving and sweat flying from my flapping limbs.  I started grabbing goods left and right!  I got shampoos and soaps, yogurt topped muesli bars (now the staple of my diet), a towel, a cup so I could drink water like a normal person, and some sunscreen which I desperately needed!  I also got what I consider my greatest investment to date.  A small electric fan!  When I am in my room it is ALWAYS sitting directly in front of me on full power (as it is right now).

 

I adore my fan.  I named it Spinny and so far it is my best and only friend in Sydney!  I’ve caught myself on too many occasions talking to my fan.  I think the heat may be getting to my head…

 

I’d like to point out that nothing is air conditioned the way it is in the states, so everywhere I go I am still disgusting and drenched.  It’s hot here.  Have you gotten that yet?

 

Part II of my first day in Australia

Hey everyone!  I fixed it so anybody can leave a comment.  Just select "anonymous".  Enjoy reading!

Oh your God, was it hot in my room.  I threw my stuff on the ground and immediately got a shower because in all honesty I smelled like somebody wrapped boiled cabbage in a used jock strap.  Mmmmm, Sexy!

I’d like to flash back and remind you that I forgot to pick up my arrival info at the airport.  So here I was, with no idea where I actually was.

I decided to not let this stop me and wandered out to try and find the international student office.  If anybody would be able to help me, it would be them!  I had their address on some paperwork and figured I would eventually run into a map that would help me. 

After a good bit of walking I found an “info” stand with a large map!  Horray!!!  Even better, somebody had left a paper copy of the map sitting in front of it! 

“This is my lucky day! “ I exclaimed aloud right as I noticed that the building I needed to find was on the complete other corner of campus.

I turned around and started heading off in the right direction.  About 40 minutes and 6 Liters of sweat later (about 1.5 gallons) I got to the building and was greeted by a sign informing me that the international office had been moved to the 4^th floor of the Russ building. 

Russ building?  OK fine.  Let me bust out my shiny new map and find it!

There is no Russ building…  Wtf!

I decide to re-adopt my initial strategy and just start walking.  After an hour or so of pointless wandering I finally broke down, pulled out my map, and asked somebody where the Russ building was located. 

“Oh, it’s this building right here” they said pointing at my map as if I were a fool for not knowing.

“The one marked ‘construction site’ On the other side of campus?”

“yup!  You’re way off out here!”

“Yes, it would appear as though your observation is correct…”

 

So I walked across campus again, perspiring like I was in a damn sauna and panting as I begrudgingly hauled my stubborn sun burnt legs along.  I would have killed 100 adorable puppies with my bare hands for just a single ice cube.

I finally got to the International Office and they welcomed me to Uni with a smile on their faces and told me to stop by the computer center to set up my “UniKey” and get a student email address.  This building was across the street from where their office USED TO BE!   AAARRGGGHHH!!!!  They also told me I should attend the new arrival meeting at 10:30am.  I asked what time it was because I genuinely did not know.  It was 1:30pm.  I guess I missed it.

So off I went to the computer center.  Once I got there a man who seemed very comfortable with the warm weather was happy to start setting up my info, but eventually informed me that I would have to see the people in the Fisher Library computer lab to finish getting my wireless internet activated.  It was located ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS!!!

If I wasn’t so exhausted, sun burnt, and sweaty and I if I still had any energy I would have jumped across the desk and beaten him in the face with my laptop.

 

So off I went AGAIN!  I can not stress how hot it was for me.  For all you east coast people, you know that as soon as it’s 60 degrees F you will be outside with your tee shirts and shorts.  Can you even imagine 100???  That was a rhetorical question.  YOU CAN’T!!  It was 100, but to me if seriously felt like the sun was resting inches from my face poking me with pitchforks filled with burning hay, laughing burning and taunting me like napalm launching hyenas.

 

I reluctantly made my way to Fisher library.  I don’t know why, but it really bothered me to see so many people walk by seemingly enjoying the weather.  At this point I was literally drenched with sweat.  My pit stains had become upper body stains, then eventually full body stains.  There was no part of my clothing left dry.

After what seemed like a 20 mile walk, I eventually made it to the library and the assholes made me go up stairs to get to the computer center.  STAIRS???   You dicks, I hate you… 

 

Finally I was there!  I was ready to have my computer set up so I could access the internet, but all the nerds behind the desk did was hand me a pamphlet with directions for setting everything up myself.  WHY couldn’t they have given this to me at any of my other stops??  Whatever, no point in wasting energy getting violently angry over this.

I spent about 30 minutes in the library downloading and tinkering with network settings, then I was done!  DONE!  Yay!  Now I have wireless internet!!  Wait, what does this small print say??

Students are allowed 6mb of internet usage per day and only select sites for research can be accessed. 

*smacks self in forehead then winces in pain due to sunburn* 

 

I decided that the only thing I could do was retreat to my room to lap water from the faucet like a dog (I had no cup) and take a few more cold showers.

 

If nothing else I guess I’m starting to learn my way around campus.

First Day In Australia

I finally have the internet!!!  YAAAAAY!  I have SO much to tell everybody about these last two weeks!  I was hoping to post everything in one big entry, but it ended up being over 10 pages long in MS word and I don’t want to eat up too much of your time at once.  I figured the best way to handle this would be to post something new every day until I’ve caught up to present time!  So bookmark this page and keep checking back!

 

 

Ok, first I want to give a big shout out to the wonderful people I spent time with and met in LA.  I would could write an entire book on what happened that weekend, but unfortunately right now I really need to focus on the southern hemisphere.

So here is part one of my backlogged Australian journal. I hope you enjoy reading it:

 

First day in Australia:

So where do I begin??  I guess the best place would be walking onto flight 839 in LAX.  I was absolutely terrified about sitting still for over 14 hours, but it ended up being tolerable.  My seat was crammed and uncomfortable, but it was next to a very nice younger Chinese/Australian girl who’s ear I talked off for the first few hours of the flight.  I probably asked her a million questions about Australia and made her give me pointers on what little mandarin I can speak (so far I can tell people that I don’t speak mandarin, and I can order two beers.  Not one, only two).  After that I fell asleep for about 10 hours and woke up just about there! 

Once I got off the plane and claimed my bags I got immediate attention form every customs agent in the airport.  Anybody that had a chance to see my guitar’s flight case will know why!  There must have been 12 different officers that walked up before I even got to the front of the line and asked me what was in the case.  When I would tell them it was a guitar a few got excited and started short guitar conversations with me.  So far people seem nice I guess!

While waiting in line I watched them tear apart people’s luggage, searching every little pocket and flap, open every container, and basically separating everything regardless of whether it should or should not be in more than one piece.  When I got up to the inspection station I expected them to pull out the rubber gloved and lube, but the guy simply asked, “do you have any food from the US? “

“Yes I do” I answered .

I held up my fresh pack of Mentos with a big smile on my face.

Aaaaaaaaand, Freeze frame!

(Yes, I actually did this.  I really hope they have Mentos here in Australia!  It has become an obsessions!)

“Ok, you’re good to go.  Next!”  he repied

“Really?” I exclaimed in amazement!  “You don’t even want to go rummaging through my guitar case?”  Immediately realizing that that is probably a really stupid thing to say.

“Nope.”

I decided not to push the topic and quickly moved along. 

 

I may have moved along a bit too quickly because I forgot to check in at the new student desk to get all of my information and arrival paperwork.  Instead I hopped into a cab and we started driving.

 

“Where to?”  the driver asked.

“Wesley College building in the University of Sydney” I answered.

“Where is that?”

“Um…  I don’t know”

Shit!

“Just drop me off at the University of Sydney.  It is between Camperdown and Darlington off City Road.  I’ll find it from there.”  I finally said.

This is exactly what he did.

 

If you don’t mind I’m going to sidetrack from my story for a second.  Actually, even if you do mind it’s going to happen anyway.  What are you going to do about it?  Travel back in time fly here and stop me??   I’d like to see you try, jerk!  Ha!  Oh geez, I’ve gotten sidetracked from sidetracking.  Ok, back to my off topic topic:  It is HOT here!  The people who live here have been saying that it is uncharacteristically hot for Sydney, but for me it was INSANE!  It was SNOWING when I left Philly, and now it is in the mid 30’s (mid to high 90’s in F)!  I am wearing WAY too much clothing for this kind of heat.  In fact, if I had a better razor I could have shaved my entire body and walked around the streets naked pouring ice water on myself with one hand and fanning myself with my other and I still would have been too hot!  To much info?  Absolutely, but I wanted to make sure I got my point across.  That point being I am unbearably hot!  A roasting inerno!  Ok, back to the story!

 

So here I am somewhere on campus literally dripping with sweat carrying a giant duffle bag, a guitar case the size and probably weight of me, a large suitcase, and a medium sized bag for my computer.  So have one, two, three, four bags and how many arms.  Well there’s one, and two…  hhhhmmm

 

Did I mention I lost the wheels to my luggage so I couldn’t drag it behind me?  I really need to get a picture of all of this later so you can see what I had to carry.  If I get around to it I will post it for you.

 

I need a damn sherpa or something.  I just started wandering around campus panting wheezing and dripping, lugging my bags behind me in all sorts of strange and probably spine damaging ways for what seemed forever until finally I found it, Wesley College!   The building I was staying at looked like a small castle!  I was so excited!!!  I crawled my way to the door and literally collapsed into the entrance.  A man ran out to me and asked if I needed medical help, but I just told him that all I wanted was to check in as quickly as possible so I could shower!

 

A friendly lady walked out to me and showed me to my room.  She opened the door for me and I stepped in.  Picture a closet with a poorly maintained cot, but the cot clearly had been slept in recently and the sheets had not been changed in the last decade or so.  The large windows that looked out to campus didn’t even have curtains!  Lucky for me I think she noticed the extremely disappointed look on my face, or maybe just felt bad for me because I looked and smelled like I was an inch from death and decided to find a nicer room with curtains and clean sheets.

She eventually came back with news that she moved me to room 386 in the “New Wing” (which was ironically a very old wing).

In the brochure it said that all single rooms had bathrooms and linen service.  What this meant was that the building had bathrooms somewhere in it and that they give you sheets when you first get there, but they aren’t necessarily clean.  Even my “clean” sheets had mysterious sticky stains, but I decided to just try and ignore them.  What doesn’t kill me can only make me ill or maybe give me a rash.  Maybe both.